the house that built me

i found this in my drafts just a bit ago. i thought that perhaps it was worth sharing although it was written probably two months ago.

my hands smell like gasoline.
i'm in a bloggy mood today.

i dunno if i was a weird child or if everyone did this but i used to think about what i would grab if my house caught on fire. it varied as i got older but a few things always stayed the same. they seem silly now.

on august 3, 2010, my house burnt down. now it's so easy to look back and see what i should have grabbed or done.

what i grabbed:
-yelple (baby blanket)
-a framed picture of the boys at the LCC
-my bible
-my kenya journal
-my dog

what i wish i would have grabbed (in addition to the list above):
-the portrait of my grandmama and grandaddy that hung above the mantle
-the guns
-photo albums
-the old jewelry box
-the fire-safe deposit box (that melted)
-any pieces of small furniture from my family's history.
-my two glass swans from Nana.
-my grandmama's flatware
-family china

the list goes on. my main question is if i could have grabbed a water hose and put the small fire out myself before it spread. oh well, too late.

what i would grab out of our new apartment:
-yelple
-the tiki man
-my records
-the gold owl figurine
-the box of paperwork that holds all of our documents
-the two-horse figurine from my grandparents
-mom's artwork
-my shoebox of memories

what i would grab out of our camp house:
-the picture Mr. Wilburn drew for me as a little girl
-grandaddy's army trunks
-the cigarette stands
-the wooden church
-the sewing machine table
-the guns (a must now)

it's funny now to think about how much of the things that burned i have never and will never even think about. i think it proves how much excess we had when it comes to stuff, junk. mom and i will be wandering down aisles at a store and suddenly remember the smallest thing that was tucked away in a closet. just yesterday i told someone that i felt it was a blessing our house burnt down. it humbled my family. i am a better person. we are a better family.

it's something to think about. i will say that it does not seem like a tragedy when you're on the outside looking in but for five minutes imagine everything you own being lost forever. every picture, every fragment of family members you've never met, every gift you've ever been given, every favorite toy, favorite pillow, favorite book, favorite four leaf clover you picked with your dad being nothing more than a pile of ashes. it's quite a humbling place to be and one that makes you value your relationships much more than your toys.